There is a genesis to this song...it all started with curiosity and melted into fascination. As I read biographies on Virginia Woolf...read parts of her letters and diaries...I discovered a kinship. The connection I felt to her was only strengthened when I discovered we share the same birthday.
Today, January 25th.
I understood her. I understood her life, her demons, her struggles, triumphs, power and, ultimately, her death.
There were several specific things that intrigued me and I gravitated to...things I wanted to incorporate into the song. A quote that Virginia Woolf was pretty but never beautiful...that she was an excellent swimmer...yet she choose to fill her pockets with stones and will herself into a river to drown...she wrote three suicide notes (which is why I chose to repeat the word down three times in the verses) and lastly, I wanted to pay tribute to Emily Sailers of the Indigo Girls whose song, Virginia Woolf, was my first introduction to her life.
I've shared this song with a handful of people - before sharing it here. This song is a different departure for me...it has an unfamiliar shade of transparency to it. The reactions have been all over the spectrum...friends have praised its imagery and questioned my artistry...asking for more fun love songs (those conversations actually sparked their own songs...more on that post-Virginia)...
Those "other" songs are still inside too. They will return...better and emboldened by my other life experiences.
I've re-read Virginia shared it with a couple of selected friends...even talked about it in therapy...
The song is inspired by and based off the life (and death) of Virginia Woolf.
When I started reading and researching her life, I discovered that we share the same birthday...January 25th. That small discovery made me feel like I had an even stronger kinship with her...
This song is unlike anything I've ever written...I've re-read it several times, each time I'm afraid its too transparent.
I feel like I've been honest and candid with things I've shared before but this is the first time I've really taken pause and considered how much of myself I'm revealing...
I think I will take another day or two to roll it around in my head and heart before putting it up.
It started with Gone (Days Like These) and has continued...
I thought I would revisit some songs that were waiting in the wings to be finished...when inspiration found its way back to me. I've looked over some of the songs and some of them did, indeed, find their endings.
I've been pleasantly surprised by the new songs...songs that have been shaped differently and filled out in new ways.
Some of have been fun and (what I hear in my head as) "upbeat"...like Bye...it feels like a country song to me. Other songs have been darker, for me. I've done some digging...Virginia is one of those. I'm not ready to put it up yet, so for now, here's Bye...
I started this song in August...but really only had a line or two. I set the song aside and knew when the time was right, it would come back around.
This morning...around 1:00am...it came back around.
My Dad's brother, my Uncle Charles, passed away almost a year ago...April of 2009. Thinking back to his funeral...and how my Grandmother, Aunt and Cousins are now responsible for the task of "moving on"...this song came to me.
With the passing of a loved one...with the loss of a job...or, really, the end of any chapter of something important in your life - there are always people who tell you, on the hardest of days, that there are always "days like these." No one tells you...and, in truth no one knows...how long those days will last.
So this song is for my family...but also for all who've experienced loss...
When 9/11 happened I wasn't living here yet. I didn't feel and still don't feel that I could write about it as a New Yorker. I was living in Atlanta and sitting at my desk when it happened. I remember not believing it when I first heard the news. I thought it was a small plane, a confused pilot. I didn't comprehend that it was an attack...that it would reduce the World Trade Center to piles of rubble.
I had just been here in NYC on vacation. I had flown back to Atlanta on Sunday evening, having been here to see Heather Headley in the musical Aida before her final performance. So much changed between that long weekend in the city and that Tuesday morning.
Now...8 years later...I live here. Since living here I've only been to Ground Zero once...and even then I could not stay. When my parents were here a year ago they had mentioned going down to the where the towers once stood.
We walked into St. Paul's. The small church is within a block from Ground Zero, yet not a single window was broken with the collapse of the towers. The church houses a collection and memorial to those who gave their lives trying to save whoever they could.
The atmosphere was somber and I could feel tremendous heartache and loss around me. I looked at the pews and saw they were scuffed and scratched from where firefighters had stretched out, still in their gear, making an attempt to rest before return to the search.
As I absorbed what I could around me...I became overwhelmed and knew that would be able to accompany my parents to the actual site. The place...these few blocks here in Manhattan...resonated with me.
A lot of the songs I finished a week or two ago but I'm trying to balance out when they're posted. This is a good mix.
The first, Go to Him, is reflective of a relationship that is caught - maybe in its own evolution. As I've said before, unrequited love is the basis for many songs. This is one of those instances. Sometimes when you're too close to that person who's wanting to be close to someone else - you lose your perspective.
The next song, Unguarded, is from last weekend. It is a sexy, summer song...that I wrote close to midnight on the train coming back from White Plains, New York. When I re-read it - I feel like I should've written it while sitting on the stoop to my building or while stretched out in Central Park. The song is about complete abandon...running headfirst into a crush. That first smile. That first look. I imagine this taking place on my New York City rooftop during a block party.
Something More is the last song and is one of my recent favorites. This song is about discovering and striking that balance when a new relationship is growing into...well...something more. There are little things that happen, when you least expect them, that let you know you're falling in love. Then there are the not-so-little things...when you find yourself making space to incorporate someone else into your life. Those experience are my favorites...I like those tell-tale signs that you're completely falling for someone...when you catch yourself saying "we" and "us" instead of "me" or "mine."
There are a collection of little things that make you a New Yorker...over time. One of them is religiously referring to the weekly magazine: TIME OUT NEW YORK. Last week I noticed that there is a free tour of the famed Plaza hotel twice a week. One of them was today, at 3pm. I had errands to do today but I made time to get up to the south end of Central Park to check it out. There is so much history wrapped up in this beautiful landmark. The pictures came out a little fuzzy because they encourage you not to use flash photography inside.
I was off today...and it was a great day just to catch up. I slept in and did some things around my apartment. Then I did more writing and I ran some errands.
While running errands I saw that my friend Carmen Agra Deedy's new book 14 Cows for America was out on beautiful display at the Barnes & Nobel on the Upper East Side (at 86th Street and Lexington Avenue).
Earlier this month the book received a wonderful review in the Wall Street Journal and I've been passing it along to my friends and family.
I can't wait to see how the life of this book unfolds in the weeks and months ahead. This is an incredibly moving story about an African tribe's response to news that America had been attacked and wounded on September 11th.
Though some may bill this as a 9/11 book - it is really a true account that captures the beauty of the human spirit. How complete strangers could ask, "What can we do?" speaks to the heart of what it is to be human.
I hope you'll check it out...you'll be better for it.
Some other reviews:
"...elegant sentences...The suspenseful pace is especially striking when surrounded by Gonzalez's exquisite colored pencil and pastel illustrations. The colors of Kenya explode off the page..." -School Library Journal * STARRED REVIEW *
"...gentle yet piercing present-tense prose...A stirring, heartwarming tale that made headlines when it happened-and is now, thankfully, preserved on the page for children." -Kirkus Reviews
"...just as affecting for adults as it is for kids." -Cookie Magazine Online
"...the words and the glowing mixed-media illustrations show empathy and connections across communities..." -Booklist
Back in March of this year had the honor and privilege of flying home to Atlanta for the wedding of my pastor Connie to her partner, Karen. It is always good to be back in Atlanta and my trip was made even more special by sharing in their special day.
As a wedding gift I wrote a song for the two of them called Witness to My Life. This marks only my second "Wedding"-style song, the first being Let Me Walk Beside You which wrote (and sang with music written by Dennis Lewallen) for my brother's wedding.
After experiencing such an incredibly beautiful, moving ceremony - I scrapped the song with a promise to revisited it. A couple weeks ago I sat down with the lyrics and these photos from the ceremony and started again.
With their permission, I'm sharing it here.
Witness to My Life
For Connie & Karen
3/14/09, 3/19/09 8/11/09
v1
This is the story
Of you and me
One and one
Upheld by many
The writing of our history
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Grounded in the grace of ages
We have found what we will name as True
I have found love
I have found you
Chorus
Be a witness to my love
Be a witness to my life
As my love
As my life
In a million moments
Threaded through thousands of days
Every season beautiful
Every season difficult
Stand beside me
And I beside you
v2
This testimony
Of you and me
Reaches beyond here
For all to see
Honoring Love’s mystery
Above all in this life it’s you I promise to treasure
So fresh off vacation - I had a day off from work yesterday. I had some errands to run but I decided that if I did nothing else I would re-visit the High Line Park.
In June the High Line opened and
it is one of my favorite spots in NYC. Before the famous subway went underground it ran on rails above ground. Those tracks have long been abandoned and an eye-sore.
Several years ago a group of guys decided to transform the rails into an above ground park. Using wildflowers and the original tracks the park currently runs from Gansevoort Street to 20th Street. Eventually it will continue up the West side of Manhattan to Javitts Convention Center.
It is beautiful. I love the concept and how its been executed. It is a great escape that incorporates both the concrete and steel and nature of Manhattan.
I went down close to sunset...I walked. I read. I had my journal with me but before I had a chance to settle again I heard a familiar French voice. I looked to my right and saw my friend Luc sitting on a bench talking to a lady who had lost her camera. Within 5 minutes we were joined by Luc's boyfriend (and dear pal of mine) Marcos. Once again I had smile and laugh that even in a city of 8 million...it is still possible to run into someone you know.
When I got back to my neighborhood and was leaving the subway station at 116th Street...the sky had opened up and it was pouring rain. It was a deluge. Lightening and thunder sparked and cracked across the sky and the streets flooded.
I ran home and was soaked through and through...but it was still a wonderful day. I spent the last couple hours, before going to bed, working on a couple more songs. I'm working on a love song to New York City...it is a city that constantly inspires and challenges. There's no where else like it in the world. My love song for NYC (can't give away the title just yet) isn't finished...so I thought I would share another love song.
Planets and Stars is a romantic, intimate love song. Some of my friends say that I write a lot about heart ache and longing...this song will prove them wrong. This song is all about falling in love and closeness.
Here's another song from my writing days at the beach...
It's called Overdue Love Song. I wanted this song to be playful and honest...with an emphasis on honest.
This song was written from the vantage point of being a writer and artist but not using that creative force in a relationship until it's too late. For whatever reasons I tend to write more before or after a relationship...something to work on...
Overdue Love Song 8/13/09, 8/15/09
v1 This is it This is the one It should’ve been written Way before We were done
There’s no counting The stars in the sky Or missed Opportunities But this is a chance If only for the record A second chance For days past to be rediscovered
Chorus Here it is A half-ass explanation Here it is now, Eyes-wide resignation An apology To you, from me For knowing what was right While I got it wrong Here it is Just an overdue love song
v2 Hear from me I wasn’t blind You were truly beautiful I was lucky To call you mine
You were deserving Of knowing me Not just my Insecurities Run from yes to maybe There is no excuse Only a maybe Lost inspiration or a misplaced Muse
Bridge One day, should you hear this song On the radio You won’t even have to second guess You’ll just know Sure it’s too little, too late That’s how I know, Some times in life, we create our own fate
So my good friend Rebecca passed along the movie version of the musical HAIR. She'd heard me ranting and raving about the Broadway revival of the musical and couldn't believe I hadn't seen the film.
The movie is very different from the current incarnation running on Broadway. The story is more fleshed out in the film and the stage version lightly supports a story while exploding the music.
One thing the movie has that I'm loving is choreography by the legendary Twlya Tharp.
I love the whole vibe and energy of this musical...gives me the feeling that I was born at the wrong time in history.
I think what I respond to is the images of peace, love and expression. Those are voices we desperately need these days.
I head back to work tomorrow and that gave me some time run errands and transition back into NYC life.
While I was out running errands I popped over to Byrant Park and officially traded in the past few days of soaking in the sun at the beach to soaking in the sun (and noise) of the city.
I had my journal with me so I decided to grab a chair and sit at one of the small, green cafe tables and write for a bit. I realized that I had been away for a week and even with amble time I had not cracked my journal once.
I had been busy with song writing...so that kinda counts, right? My songs have always been like mini-snapshots of a journal. That's one of the reasons I date my songs...if someone ever wants to...they can take my Journal, this BLOG and my songs and line up and have a biography that's ready to go.
Since the trip was so productive for me artistically, I gave myself a break on not writing in my journal.
In the park today, under the great canopy of trees (pictured above), I was able to catch up a bit in my journal. Reading back over today's entry I noticed that it did borrow heavily from a couple of the songs I wrote last week.
Speaking of songs...
Here's another one to share...this one is a hybrid. I started writing it months ago and yesterday, while waiting at the airport, I deconstructed it, reconstructed it and got it finished. I want a better title but for now it will have to do....it's called Through.
I have several songs to share but since Bring Me Bruises was darker, I wanted something lighter and happier...Through.
This song is about being out of a relationship...and not really looking. Then someone, unexpectedly, makes it through to you.
Through
11/08, 8/15/09
v1
You
You of all people
Made it in record time
You stumbled right into this heart of mine
Unprepared, unaware
Of walls I can quickly mortar
And reckless traps I’ve been known to lay
Keeping ones like you at bay
But now here you are
Here you are
Chorus
Now, what do I say?
Now, what do I do?
When the one who didn’t even have to try
Made it through
I lose my defenses
You bring me back to my senses
Like only you know how to
So, now, what do I do?
v2
You
You of all the ones
Who came bravely before
You came in bringing less but demanding more
Unsuited, unaffected
Of how I made myself
With my self-trained power of persuasion
Making me easy to abandon
But now here you are
Here you are
Chorus
Bridge
Past broken hearts, played tricks on me
Turned me into someone, I gave myself the excuse to be
If there’s any chance for safety, any chance at all
