I recently came across a Tony Kushner quote from his play Angels in America. "Failing at Love is not the same thing as not loving."
That has stayed with me.
As a human. As a lover. As a writer...I tend to meditate on relationships...a lot. I find myself doing that more and more these days. I'm intrigued by what makes them work, grow and soar...or crumble under their own weight.
I have no answers...I simply absorb. And write.
A week ago I spent the afternoon with an "Ex" (Two letters that in no way, shape or form fill in the holes of who two people are to each other...even after they cease being.). During this middle of the day conversation I learned that he was now seeing someone else; information that should not have come as a surprise.
But the heart is tricky.
I was happy and thrilled...and said so. When I left and was walking home, I was left to once again take our history a part and put it back together.
I did and it became the song...To See You Happy.
I wrote it quickly, in one sitting. Everything just seemed to flow as it was being sifted. I read over it and filed it away.
Three days into my vacation (and riding the current wave of posting songs I've written) the song kept waiting on me to be ready to share it. I knew I couldn't share it without a blessing of some kind.
So I sent it off.
Yesterday I got a phone call and the blessing. I also had the opportunity to talk through the song...start to finish with him. It was one of the most healing and honest conversations of recent memory.
This is the song...despite what I've written above in the last few paragraphs...in my head I hear this as upbeat, hopeful and affirming song. A declaration. If we love someone then seeing them happy is it's own kind of reward.
To See You Happy
8/6/09
For ARB
v1
So this is how it feels
When enough time has past
Making things real
Get a little distance
Allow the hurts to heal
From here
I can look at you and finally understand
I was many things
Just not enough to be your man
Chorus
It’s good
To see you happy
And now
To see you happy
Means so much to me
It’s right
To see you happy
So good
To see you happy
As you deserve to be
v2
I will let the future thaw
And just rest outside the past
Though it still feels raw
Trips my tongue
Sticks to my jaw
Doesn’t come easy to call you a friend
Given our history
But our lives will let us write the end
Bridge
I can hold the memory
He’ll hold you, instead of me
It’s gentle ache
To acclimate myself to
A quiet break
I appreciate when I see you
On a completely different note...
The other day I finished a song I started and shelved well over a year ago. This song...well, it's just plain fun. It was fun to explore and write.
Based completely on an imaginary relationship (i.e. a crush)...this song is about giving everything up to be with the one you want.
Take Texas
4/5/08, 8/10/09, 8/11/09
v1
You and me
What do you know
We’re both here
Country music on the radio
I can find myself
Lost again
From the start
Wrapped in you
Two country boys at heart
Chorus
Never thought
No, I never thought
This New York City boy
Could be tempted
To take Texas
But here I am
Yes, Here I am
Trading the subway for the sky
If it means getting an “us”
Out of you and me
Then baby, I’ll take Texas
v2
Didn’t take much
To make me fall
A well-timed kiss
Another well-placed “Ya’ll”
I could see myself
Right here
Right with you
I fit right in
Then it all comes true
Chorus
Bridge
I lose all sense
Lost in that Southern cadence
You in white T-shirt and blue jeans on
Standing six foot, nine
Smiling sly at me
Next thing,
I’m just doing time
Counting minutes
Til I trade
Manhattan’s skyline
Chorus
