It just seems to be getting hotter and hotter here. Within the last week, Elizabeth and I have completely lost all inhibitions with each other. The apartment has been so hot that we’ve both taken to just wearing our underwear when we’re at home. A few days ago I just asked, “Are you looking at me?”
“No,” she said.
“And I’m not looking at you,” I added
Wearing next-to-nothing seems to be the only way we will survive until we can get her window unit installed in the living room. Right now it is in my bedroom because my fire escape window is the only window without a grate on it. We’re trying to funnel air from my bedroom into the living room and then into her bed room.
It really isn’t working.
I was up and out the door early this morning. I needed two trains and a good 45minutes to get from my apartment to MCC New York – a interdenominational church I wanted to visit. I was hot leaving the apartment for church and was sweating profusely by the time I walked in to the service.
So much for first impressions.
I enjoyed the service. Members of the choir and drama program were presenting a Biblical musical of sorts for the Sunday worship service which was very well written and had a great message. There was no sermon really, but I have heard the preacher before. She is very, very passionate and I look forward to visiting again when she’s preaching. I’ve had several churches recommended to me, so for right now I’m church-shopping and looking for a place that will be a spiritual home for me here in my new home – New York City.
In the last few weeks I have found “church” in different places and moments. One that comes to mind I stumbled on to at Target. While Elizabeth and I were shopping I discovered that Nichole Nordeman had released a new CD, Brave.
About 3 years ago I was introduced to Nichole’s music by my dear friend, Damon Bishop. Her album, This Mystery, impacted my life in variety of ways. Encouraging my spirit and strengthening my heart – empowering my journey. I LOVE her. I love the truthfulness she brings to her music. She isn’t afraid of asking the questions that make Sunday School teachers nervous. I appreciate her for that. She sings beautifully of a God that provides and cares for her in one song and then in the next will refuse to back down from questioning and challenging God and her faith.
Her new CD, Brave, continues to reflect her journey. The messages of songs like Live We Build, and the title track – were exactly what I needed. Her CD is in heavy rotation in room and in my soul.
Visit: www.nicholenordeman.com
After church I met up with Damon. We got tickets to see a Swedish film Hilda’s Journey. It has been a while since I’ve seen a foreign film and this film reminded me of how much I miss them. I love the risks foreign filmmakers take when telling a story. Their work doesn’t conform to the flashy spectacle of American movies.
After Hilda’s Journey we walked down a few blocks to another theater to see the documentary, Fish Can’t Fly. Though produced simply and with very little gloss, I found the film very important. The stories and journeys shared were heartbreaking and in turn the discoveries and revelations beautiful. Damon and I were both moved to tears as we saw lives transformed by the celebration of truth and the acceptance of glories found in God’s diversity.
Visit: www.fishcantfly.com
Turning a Q & A afterwards I spoke briefly about spiritual abuse and questioned places along my journey. As I tried forming questions for the panel tears came breaking through.
A few minutes later, as we filed out of the theater, I was approached by a reporter, Mark Benjamin. He gently approached me and asked if he might interview me for a piece he’s working on. He writes for Salon magazine and is working on several pieces that he believes I can add great depth to.
I agreed.
As Damon and I hit the sidewalk and headed toward the subway he mentioned that he forgets the layers of my journey and what I’ve experienced. He said he looks at me and sees me as a man secure in my faith and life but when I got emotional speaking he realized that there was still great damage done.
I told him I felt exactly the same way. I explained that it wasn’t until I was speaking that emotions came. I didn’t even feel the tears coming. As I phrased my question and comments I could hear myself becoming stirred. It was unexpected.
He hugged me and said he knew he probably didn’t have to say it, but he wanted to. He wanted me to know that he was there for me if I ever needed him.
Thinking of his struggles and journey, I told him that that spiritual road we share runs both ways and that if he ever needed to talk and have me just listen, I was also there for him.
I rode the train home letting everything sink in from today. It has truly been one of those days that you know and believe are destined and designed especially for you. I’ve been exposed to so much today…I don’t want to waste a morsel.
